serpentinejacaranda

 
                  FIGURE OF SPEECH

it is a myth that the dead always leave a note
a lie that you tell yourself about the suicidal
one that we let you believe
             because we have to make you feel safer
                            (somehow)
 
the suicide note is a figure of speech
it is not always written in ink or callouses
my suicide notes were written on my body
each scar etched into my skin
        covering once internal blood
        was a love note to myself

perhaps i can sustain just a little bit longer

each tattoo a story of my journey
        what got me this far
                                (this far)
         that i could hold onto
        ( just a little bit longer)
i never penned this mythological note
         this goodbye detailing my whys

you
already
know
them

the suicide note on tv is just a figure of speech
a dream
a wish
an explanation for something you
         (hopefully)
         cannot understand

but to those of us who know
         who live it day to day
         our suicide notes don't have to be        ink
        they are flesh and bone
        they are blood and meat and neurons firing wrong
each day we live
      a testament to the note
         you expect we write in our heads 	in drafts and corrections
each day we wander this earth a note to the fuckers
         who never thought we would survive their words and their actions
         their impasse into our psyche
today i LIVE
        a fuck you to those who brought me to pieces
        a fuck you to those who told me to die
        a fuck you to the asshole in my head

today i live because i promised my mother i would not try again 
		the day we watched cancer take my brother and she broke a little inside
today i live because my son walks these halls
       his bedroom floor creaking, a safe life
		and i cannot  be the one to ruin that
		        i cannot break the sweetness that is his soul
today i live in spite of the fact
         that i will never write a note
         it's already been written

and i  don't  intend to die

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ljidol week 3 prompt : ecco (italian: here it is, like right now, being presented) ECCO (ECHO ECCo ECho Ecco echo) i can't see you in this hall of mirrors i cannot hear you in this empty chamber i can't feel you on my skin from across the ages i cannot taste your kisses (anymore) you were my first love tall, blonde, and naive you were a best friend knowing me way back when you were my everything (and my nothing) you have been a homing point for 33 years camping in fields of folkies kissing in basements sharing stories of next loves as we grew into adulthood what do i do when you move to another hemisphere (ECCO ECHo ECco Echo ecco) the time nigh and off you go you will always be my first first love first touch first to know so many of my secrets and here we are adults in our own right spouses and children to love and protect and you’re leaving me i can’t say that i blame you i don’t know how much you still care though i’ve kept a chamber of my heart open just for you moving forward and moving on do you know that you helped create who i am today (the strength and the love) do you know that i still care and these echo chambers will fall silent these halls of mirrors will shatter fast skin will dry and crack from lack of your hug and you you shall be happy building new halls and chambers touching the skin of the one that fits you in a land of your choice so far away from me i believe in the choices we have made i believe that we have arrived that we are here and you will always be an ecco in my heart

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serpentinejacaranda

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LJIdol Wheel of Chaos Week 4 -- FIGURE OF SPEECH

ljidol week 3 prompt : ecco (italian: here it is, like right now, being presented)

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July 2025

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